204) Deep Blue Sea (1999) Dir: Renny Harlin Date Released: July 1999 Date Seen: June 30th, 2009 Rating: 1.25/5
The limits of my patience were tested by Renny Harlin's Deep Blue Sea, a lousy "Christian horror" movie by the maestro of guilty pleasure actioners. Though there is something perversely appealing about watching LL Cool J quote scriptures and hear people saying "God damn it" like they mean it, a man can enjoy meagre pleasures of rubbernecking at conservative doggerel for only so long. Boredom sank in fairly quickly and was only really alleviated during the shark attack sequences, which is funny considering how unpolished the CGI sharks in this film look. Watching Stellan Skarsgard and Michael Rapaport get eaten--and who could forget Sam Jackson's immortal death scene--I was tempted to say that the film could benefit from some Youtube-friendly editing. Then again, I feel it's imperative for viewers to experience firsthand the film's preponderance of wan moments. After all, they're not all tedious; some of them are just laughably stupid, like when LL Cool J, slogging through hip-deep water, is momentarily tempted by a porno magazine held that floats by at that moment for no good, narratively grounded reason.