62) Street Fighter (1994)

62) Street Fighter (1994) Dir: Steven de Souza Date Released: December 1994 Date Seen: March 2^nd, 2009 Rating: 3.5/5

It’s easy to see why writer/director Steven de Souza’s Street Fighter might have been scuttled off to a January or February release. But. What’s even more incredible than seeing that it was released on December 23^rd—early Christmas present?—is that the film is actually fun. 

Unfortunately, my affection for this film is an apologist’s kind of love, the kind whose defense is predicated on having grown up playing the video games that the movie is based on (though the credits credit only Street Fighter II, fans will recognize some later characters, like D.J. and Tomahawk). What I can semi-objectively offer is that while the film can be taken as a big in joke with fans, it does exactly what a Street Fighter movie should: provide a silly, light and energetic plot full of fights, cameos and flashy effects. Nostalgia be damned, it’s a goodish movie! Leave Street Fighter alone!

Still, as long as I’m admitting that I’m watching this film to satisfy the 10 year-old in me, I have to say that it’s hard to watch the film without looking at either of the two main character actors in the film retrospectively. As Col. Guile, Jean Claude Van Damme doesn’t get an opportunity to flex his famous muscles but then again, the film is yet another example of why his plea for playing at peace in JCVD (2008) seems so silly. He’s a member of the AN, a UN stand-in but when given the chance to put his arms down, he voluntarily chooses to kick ass instead. He’s got such laughably bad punny lines that if one weren’t watching the rest of the film, you might easily think that de Souza had it out for Van Damme.

In the same vein, it’s tough to suppress a groan or five when you’re watching poor, sickly Raul Julia shoot lightning out of his hands and zoom around on electro-magnetic boots. Seeing him taunt Van Damme is one thing but watching him get the snot kicked out of him knowing that he was about as sturdy as a toothpick at the time and had to wear a wire suit to fill out Bison’s signature red uniform—whose designer is specially credited in the beginning!—I had to suck in my teeth and chuckle. Then again, rewatching the film for the first time in its entirety, I can’t help but reject the old joke about the film being so bad it killed him—he gets in some good lines like when he tells Chun-Li, “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day in your life. For me, it was Tuesday.” Honestly, that Julia stayed alive after Overdrawn at the Memory Bank  (1983) is the real miracle. Accentuate the positive, people.

Oh and while I'm on the subject: neat poster, huh?

60) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

60) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009) Dir: Andrzrej Bartkowiak Date Released: February 2009 Date Seen: February 28^th, 2009 Rating: 1/5

As a childhood fan of Capcom’s Street Fighter fighting game franchise, I knew not to expect much from Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. Whether it’s comics or movies, there has been little evidence to support the notion that the energy, simplicity or naïve seriousness of the games could be translated into any medium other than video games. I didn’t attend Chun-Li out of irony because I know there are much better ways to waste my money. I went because I was expecting something fun, brainless, over-the-top and colorful—see: Wilson Yip’s Dragon Tiger Gate (2006) for an example of what I’m talking about. What I got was probably about as inept as that stupid tween vampire movie.

Here’s the problem with adapting fighting games into movies: there’s no real plot and despite how many names and gimmicks the fighters have, none of them have any real character to speak of. They’re flashy, one-note action figures and if they look cool and have a special move that catches your eye, mission accomplished.

Chun-Li however doesn’t want to recognize that it's supposed to be vapid but well-meaning trash. Screenwriter Justin Marks has done a laughable job of translating the gaudiness of the series' barebones plot of do-gooder fighters on the trail of an evil guy with a red cape by turning the unbelievable into the unintentionally campy.  M. Bison (Neal McDonough?!), the big bad guy of the series, thus gets turned into an evil international corporate goon that has separated his conscience into his daughter and hence now is free to literally use women as punching bags (I shit you not, this happens). 

If anything, Marks tries so hard to be serious that he doesn’t even realize how hard he’s straining to produce a solid turd. Unlike superior fighting games adaptations like Paul W.S. Anderson’s Mortal Kombat (1995) or Corey Yuen’s DOA: Dead or Alive (2006), Chun-Li has only a scant few satisfying cameos and absolutely no hyper-glitzy fight scenes, just creatively constipated and spastically edited Transporter-esque fight scenes. They’re not just silly, they’re boring.

That having been said, a good Street Fighter movie is possible, but it’s just not probable that it’ll ever be made. The day when a creative team that realizes that their goal is to focus on giving the fan what he (sorry, ladies) wants—competent fight scenes, minimal plot, boobies, super powers and lots and lots of cameos—is a long way off. Until then, we’ll always have Future Cops (1993).