Sunday, May 10, 2009

129) Bride Wars (2009)

129) Bride Wars (2009) Dir: Gary Winick Date Released: January 2009 Date Seen: May 10th, 2009 Rating: 1/5

Y'know, the people that made Bride Wars should have taken a page out of the Crank boys books and decided to get a lil wild and crazy and make a joke that's funny, catty or just plain offensive instead of just astoundingly numbing. Their film is so soul-crushingly stale that it doesn't even dare step out of line long enough to make a raunchy joke in a scene where the two brides have a dance-off at a (wait for it) male strip club for their respective bacheleorette parties. Even ignoring the creepy, shrewish and utterly unflattering roles these two women (Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson) are given--apparently calling your fiance on being a pain in the ass is reason enough to split though everything else in their relationship seemed ship-shape--the film is so straitjacketed in its need to be nice and bitchy that it squanders every opportunity at yuks that it gets. I mean, for fuck's sake, Paul Scheer was in a montage sequence that moved at sub-Lurhmann speed without making me laugh. The ho-mance is upon us and I has a scared.

Note: Ladies, I assure you, I am straight and single, as if that weren't already apparent. This was just a bad, bad, no good lapse in judgment on my part. I mean, the siren call of bad shit was just too powerful and it's not like I rented the damn thing....oh god, I'm not a man anymore, am I?

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