192) Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010) Dir: Mike Newell Date Released: May 2010 Date Seen: June 12, 2010 Rating: 1.25/5
This movie is easily the klutziest of all the new summer blockbusters I saw this year. I'm not going to write at length about Prince of Persia: The Havenglaven in the Ratzenfratz of Destiny because my grievances with this shit heap would likely just read like a laundry list (ex: scriptwriters heap contrivance upon contrivance, Kingsley half asleep, pseudo-Indiana Jones repartee between Gyllenhaal and Arterton totally unconvincing, plot convoluted beyond belief, boring CGI effects, etc.). So this is me cutting myself off and furthermore, reminding myself I don't need to write at length about everything. Abysmal; really and truly abysmal. I was more interested in hearing what the middle-aged Persian couple--because that's how they still define themselves in Great Neck, Long Island so suck on that, hypothetical readers too quick to point out that I'm using outdated terminology--were screaming to each other in the otherwise empty theater (my favorite comment was, of course, him yelling in English, "What is suicide?" I also like his approbative grunting during the scene where Gyllenhaal and Arterton smooch. Went something like this: "Oh! Mmm! Nnnhh hh hh!" Wifey conspicuously silent during this sequence, undoubtedly afraid of being forced to watch the sequel should she speak out of turn). Blarfenglar.